The first book, Guilty Pleasures, (Yes, the name sucks. Yes, it sounds like a romance novel. It’s not. Really. Not so much as a kiss for about five books. Can you say the same for, say, Twilight?) is really fascinating: sounds like your general plotline: evil vampire comes to town, brave (zombie-raising) heroine and nice (strip club-owning) vampire along with a (assassin) friend get together to kill vampire, vampire dies, and the audience is told some fascinating tidbit that makes them want to buy the sequel (The Laughing Corpse, in this case). But really, for some reason, this book really makes you want to buy, not just one sequel, but heck, all SEVENTEEN of them. Of course, you’ll only like them if you’re more fascinated than disgusted. Warning: graphic imagery of corpses!! DO NOT say I didn’t warn you!

But otherwise, they’re very enjoyable books.

The characters are multi-layered, well-developed, and no two are similar. Trust me, you’ll find no “generic friends of the uber-cool vampire slayer”. Good guys and bad guys aren’t clear-cut, black and white. Everyone’s a shade of gray. Love it!

I would rate this book a 9.5 of 10.

As a spoiler, I’m going to give a brief summary of the movie. Don’t worry, you can read this without ruining the book. (Read above: completely different.)

Percy Jackson can sit  at the bottom of pools for long periods of time. Amazing. Anyway, he’s surly and is accusatory towards his mom for all of her mistakes. In other words, a teenage boy. So, after an unfortunate trip to a museum ending with his sub turning into a hideous monster, he’s whisked away to a camp for half-god, half-mortals like himself. Not so surprisingly, he’s son of Poseidon. More surprisingly, his BFF, Grover is a satyr, and Percy is being accused of stealing Zeus’s bolt, for reasons never made clear. Percy meets a daughter of Athena named Annabeth, and the three of them set out on a quest to retrieve Percy’s kidnapped mom from the Underworld, with some “help” from a bitter towards the gods (teenage boy, obviously) boy named Luke. They retrieve three pearls from different places, including a garden emporium and a casino, then journey to the Underworld, meet a Persephone who hates Hades, and discover the bolt hidden in Percy’s shield (which was oh-so-conveniently supplied by Luke) They only has three pearls, so Percy, Annabeth, and Percy’s mom leave Grover behind. Percy beats Luke in a fight, finds out the Luke was the thief in a dialogue much like this one:

Percy: “It was YOU, Luke?”

Luke: “Yes”

P: “Why?”

L: “I hate my dad.”

P: “Ok.”

Later: Annabeth: “So Luke’s evil?”

Percy: “No you’ve got it all wrong. Anakin’s the evil one.”

A: “I am sooooo bad with names!”

Anyway, the bolt is returned to Zeus, the war is averted, Zeus gets Grover back from the Underworld, and they all live happily ever after.

At least until the Sea of Monsters comes out.

The Third Circle by Amanda Quick stars Leona, a crystal worker who meets a powerful hypnotist who has the same goal as her: to retrieve a powerful crystal called the Aurora Stone. After saving Thaddeus from certain death, they join forces to protect the stolen stone and discover a murderer called the Midnight Monster. However, Leona’s house is broken into, and they realize too late that what they’re dealing with is more dangerous than it seems…

I would give this book a 6.5. It was interesting, but the rantings about true love were like marzipan: too sweet, saccherine, and they just sat like a rock in my stomach, not doing anything for me. (Had you noticed all the food references when I’m talking about Books? Hmmm…)

Undead and Unwed by Mary Janice Davidson is about Betsy Taylor who, after a vicious attack by  “mysteriously” bloodthirsty muggers who “mysteriously” don’t like garlic, finds herself waking up in a tacky pink outfit, in a morgue after supposedly dying from getting run over Anyway, within her first week of undeath she finds out that she’s not like other vamps: she touches crosses, holy water just makes her sneeze, and sunlight does nothing to her. She also manages to infuriate an insane and powerful vampire who really takes the “you’re with me, or you’re against me” stance. Now, she has to contend with being one of the undead, an insane adversary, and naturally an attractive, if creepy, vampire who keeps insisting that shes a queen.

I would rate this book as a six. Its just fluff, but it kindof gets a little more mysterious at the end. Good thing theres a sequel, so that all my questions can be answered!

All I want for Christmas is a Vampire by Kerrilyn Sparks is a paranormal Romance about a woman named Toni, who, after a brutal Malcontent (the bad vampires) attack, goes to work as a guard for the  good vampires, the ones that drink bottled synthetic blood. The vampires take her at face value, accepting her reasons for guarding them in the daytime, except for Ian, a scottish vampire, who suspects her of a secret agenda. As all of this plays out, the malcontent threat grows like a roiling stormcloud on the horizon, and war threatens.

On the scale, I would give this book a six. Its pretty much a fairy cake book. With marshmellow icing. Thats SERIOUSLY fluffy!

Kiss Of Fire by Deborah Cooke is the first of her Drogonfire series. It’s a “paranormal romance” supposedly, but really, it’s a book about dragon shape-shifters. It begins with independant bookstore owner Sara almost immediatly being put into danger. It’s not a random coincidence. Though she does not know it, Sara has been trapped in a firestorm, the ancient mating ritual of the Pyr, the good dragons. However, to keep the Pyrs ranks from increasing, their enemies the Slayers (not like Buffy) attempt to kill the mate and thus prohibit her from concieving an heir. Quinn, Sara’s dragon mate-to-be, has a frightening past, and will do anything it takes to keep history from repeating itself…

I would give this book a 6.8 on the scale, it was well written and good, but I might be a little biased against it because a) it had no vampires and b) the whole firestorm=destined mate thing is totally freaky. But besides that it was an enjoyable book. My mom liked it more than I did.

But I’m seriously ticked off at her for not writing the sequel to Fade, the second book.

Therefore, I hope that she’s sufficiently narcissistic that she Googles her own name and sees this post, and my undying adoration for her, and thus, is spurred to write the third book. Unlikely, I know, but a girl can dream, can’t she? Also, in my pathetic fantasy, she dedicates the third book to Vampire Vocab. Yet more unlikely, so I shall continue to bank my hopes on her simply writing another book.

Well, this is actually a book review, not a pity party for a sad bibliophile, so here goes:

Wake by Lisa Mcmann stars Janie Hannagan, a girl who is mysteriously cursed to be sucked into others dreams. Living with her drunk mother is difficult, and her only dream is to go to college and escape the doldrums of  her cursed life. Then she meets Cabel Strumheller, a boy who has the most hideous nightmares Janie has ever witnessed. In addition to that, Janie hears rumors that Cabel is involved with drugs and that doesn’t fit with Janie’s image of him. With growing certainty, Janie realizes that she’s not the only one with a secret…but that the truth might be more sickening than anything else.

On the meter, this ties with Tithe with a whopping 9.5. This is really an amazing book, I can’t seem to recommend it enough.

Jaz Parks is the assistant to Vayl, a vampire. In this thrilling fantasy novel, they have to take out a corrupt plastic surgeon who consorts with one of the most dangerous terrorism groups in the country. Normally, a case like this would be simple, but when Vayl and Jaz discover that a plague that will wipe out countless lives and deliver the earth to the Surgeon’s clutches, the case takes on a whole new dimension. Due to being a Sensitive, Jaz can scent out vampires, but will that be enough?

I would give this book a 9 on the scale. I adored it, and I bet many other people will, too.

   Zen and the Art of Vampires is a paranormal romance book, with thirty-nine year old Pia Thompson as the protagonist. Pia, on a singles tour of Iceland, finds a mysterious silk and moonstone item in a book which gives her the powers of a Zorya. According to the Brotherhood of the Blessed Light, she is to use them to vanquish the ‘vampire scum’ from the planet and lead the ghosts to Ostri. After handing off that power to Anniki, the woman who was supposed to have it, She thinks she’s safe. Alas, no. Anniki is found, dying, in Pia’s bathroom after Pia spent the night with the handsome Alec. Anniki charges her with becoming the Zorya, and, after accepting, Pia is forced into two marriges, one with the attractive vampire friend of Alec’s, Kristoff, and the other with the sacristan of the Brotherhood, Mattias. Will Pia join the Vampires? Or will she side with the Brotherhood? And What On Earth is she going to do with all of the men in her life?

I would give this book a 7 on the scale. It was a fairy cake book and  a romance novel, but oddly addictive. But I really must warn you: I would suggest this book to older audiences. Please. Don’t scar any children for life just because I used the term ‘Fairy cake book’.

 Due to an incident many years before Lissa and Rose have a bond that allows Rose to sense Lissa’s emotions. So, it hurts them both when Lissa begins finding dead and dying animals around her, animals that she desperatly wants to use her powers to heal. To add to the stress, Lissa has been consorting with a boy named Christian who is looked upon as shamed because of his parents who became strigoi. Furthermore, Rose is inadvertantely falling for Dimitri, the person who is tutoring her to make up for the years she missed. All that Rose knows for sure is that someone is planting these animals, to try and uncover Lissa’s power, and that she has to stop them.

The genre of this book is fantasy (vampires…hmm, could it be realistic fiction? I think not.) I would give this book a 9 on the scale. It was really fantastic and I can’t wait for the fourth in the series to come out!