The first book, Guilty Pleasures, (Yes, the name sucks. Yes, it sounds like a romance novel. It’s not. Really. Not so much as a kiss for about five books. Can you say the same for, say, Twilight?) is really fascinating: sounds like your general plotline: evil vampire comes to town, brave (zombie-raising) heroine and nice (strip club-owning) vampire along with a (assassin) friend get together to kill vampire, vampire dies, and the audience is told some fascinating tidbit that makes them want to buy the sequel (The Laughing Corpse, in this case). But really, for some reason, this book really makes you want to buy, not just one sequel, but heck, all SEVENTEEN of them. Of course, you’ll only like them if you’re more fascinated than disgusted. Warning: graphic imagery of corpses!! DO NOT say I didn’t warn you!

But otherwise, they’re very enjoyable books.

The characters are multi-layered, well-developed, and no two are similar. Trust me, you’ll find no “generic friends of the uber-cool vampire slayer”. Good guys and bad guys aren’t clear-cut, black and white. Everyone’s a shade of gray. Love it!

I would rate this book a 9.5 of 10.

The Third Circle by Amanda Quick stars Leona, a crystal worker who meets a powerful hypnotist who has the same goal as her: to retrieve a powerful crystal called the Aurora Stone. After saving Thaddeus from certain death, they join forces to protect the stolen stone and discover a murderer called the Midnight Monster. However, Leona’s house is broken into, and they realize too late that what they’re dealing with is more dangerous than it seems…

I would give this book a 6.5. It was interesting, but the rantings about true love were like marzipan: too sweet, saccherine, and they just sat like a rock in my stomach, not doing anything for me. (Had you noticed all the food references when I’m talking about Books? Hmmm…)

Undead and Unwed by Mary Janice Davidson is about Betsy Taylor who, after a vicious attack by  “mysteriously” bloodthirsty muggers who “mysteriously” don’t like garlic, finds herself waking up in a tacky pink outfit, in a morgue after supposedly dying from getting run over Anyway, within her first week of undeath she finds out that she’s not like other vamps: she touches crosses, holy water just makes her sneeze, and sunlight does nothing to her. She also manages to infuriate an insane and powerful vampire who really takes the “you’re with me, or you’re against me” stance. Now, she has to contend with being one of the undead, an insane adversary, and naturally an attractive, if creepy, vampire who keeps insisting that shes a queen.

I would rate this book as a six. Its just fluff, but it kindof gets a little more mysterious at the end. Good thing theres a sequel, so that all my questions can be answered!

Dear me,

Bonjour! If you don’t know what that means, your/my French has really gone downhill. Anyway, here are a couple of circumstances under which you might be reading this letter. One of which is that you have been struck with a devastating case of amnesia and have to be reminded of who you are, and the other is that you have successfully made it through the school year with little or no brain damage and are reading this in the comfort of your home. Let’s just hope for the latter. Considering your terrible memory and/or amnesia, you probably don’t remember where you were at the beginning of the year. If you do, humor me.

I await next year’s transition to the fabled high school with a bitter-sweet combination of equal parts excitement…and dread. I really wish I could fly off to Neverland and remain a child forever, cradled in the secure embrace of my family, but as vampirism doesn’t seem to be lurking on the horizon to make me forever young, I figure I’ll do what I always do: square my shoulders and try my best to get through this. It’s not failed me yet. Somehow, right now, high school seems a long way off, a dragon’s lair that doesn’t seem real until the dragon is hurling a torrent of flame at you. To anyone else, that analogy would inspire a lot of “Huh?” looks, but you understand. If not, than you’ve changed more than I would like. I’m not too afraid though, because I know that this year will prepare me for the next one, arming me with the tools I need to, if not slay the dragon, domesticate it. Maybe when I’m a sophomore I’ll put a collar on it and call it “Fluffy”.  Right now, though, I will settle for conquering a lesser demon: 8^th grade.

At the beginning of the year, we were told that we should all try to be leaders this year. I raised my hand and asked, “If we’re all leaders, who is going to follow?”. I received the answer that the leaders would follow other leaders, but I didn’t understand at the time. Now I do. After much thought, I realized that, despite all hopes, not everyone was going to be a leader, at least not in everything. Some people might lead their peers in the concept of responsibility: the clever math student who always has her work done excellently and on time, beaming at the teachers praise. Some might lead their peers in compassion: the polite student who always helps his struggling classmates to study for their history test, or stoops to help a stranger pick up her books, even if doing so might make him late for class. Some might lead others in the simple art of having fun, turning learning from a chore to a reward: the kid who initiates an impromptu dance party in music class or the teachers who makes up cute ways to remember formulas (like the reluctant Mr. Maniquis and his heart horizontally cut in half to look like a “m” over “v”. The formula for density, remember?). Some say that 8^th graders have to set an example for their younger counterparts, and, while true, it is often neglected to be mentioned that we can learn a lot from them, too. My sister, Lizzy, though new to middle school, has taken to it with ease, like (yes, I realize the use of one of the forbidden clichés) a fish to water. She makes friends and approaches each day with a stubborn determination that I can’t help but admire, despite how often that same stubbornness is turned against me. Being the oldest doesn’t mean that we are the wisest, or the best, or the only leaders in the school. It only means that we shall have to be more careful to NEVER disregard the opinion of someone younger just because they are younger. THAT would be an indication that we hadn’t learned as much as we were supposed to in our years of school. So, as far as leadership goes, I’ll do what I always do: square my shoulders and try to make it through.

People always ask, “What are you afraid of in 8^th grade?” to which I always cheerfully respond, “Nothing!” and the satiated person wanders off thinking what a brave and/or stupid girl I am. When I say “nothing”, I’m generally lying, like in this case. I am neither brave nor stupid, but I respond in this manner for three reasons. First, if the person is a classmate, they can use my fear against me in the form of gossip. Yikes. Second, if I explained everything I was afraid of, the person would freak out. Double yikes. Third, “afraid” doesn’t cover it at all. Try “terrified”. I am terrified that all my friends will leave me. I am terrified that I will get bad grades. I am terrified that I’ll become invisible, that nobody will notice me. I am terrified that my teachers will hate me. Did I mention my deep-set fear of bad grades? Though none of these fears have any founding, that makes me fear them all the more. So I work extra-hard to keep my friends and get good grades. I act exceptionally weird and wake up a 4 a.m. just so that I can be different. I am polite to my teachers and try to be their friend as well as their student. I try so hard and I’m always making new goals to stretch toward because, if I don’t, I might realize how lonely I really am. I can’t blame anyone else for this, because, after years of putting on a mask of the face I think people want to see, I have secluded my real self too deeply. I have developed a distance with my family and friends which they attribute to my being a teenager, a distance that is only alleviated in rare moments of clarity: in the throes of laughter that sometimes seize us for the strangest reasons, or the unified sadness we all felt when our parents announced we were moving. I am terrified that I’ll lose myself completely, so I make it one of my goals to pull myself out of the shadows and share it with everyone. I just do what I always do: square my shoulders and try to make it through.

I am so excited about both this year and next because they are full of my own personal ambrosia, my own personal food for life: opportunities. Every day is a turning point, every moment a decision. I devour these moments, always with my goals in mind. I delight in moments of triumph: an “A” on a history test, praise from a French teacher, a friend’s birthday. I respect moments of sadness, offering comfort: the death of a beloved pet, a problem wrong on the math homework, a gym uniform lost. Each of these seconds is a treasure, even the sad ones, because they build lives. I don’t look forwards to any one moment, because I can never guess when the perfect one will hit. I just revel in the opportunities that stretch before me like an immense road riddled with obstacles. As I set of into 8^th grade, as I set off into life, I smile down at the road and do what I always do: square my shoulders and try to make it through.

Goals. The recurring and ever-present theme in my life. Goals shape my work, my friendships, my home life, everything. Academic goals are basic: all “A”s on report cards, great teacher reviews. I would expect nothing less of myself. I’m not conceited, I’m not self-absorbed, I just know my capabilities, and to lower my goal, or to not reach my academic goal is just degrading. School is one place where I shine. It’s just like a laundry machine: you only get out what you put in. I give every class my all, and it shows. Academic goals are no problem as long as I keep my head. I plan to achieve this goal by trying my best, every period of every day. That’s all there is to it. My only extra-curricular activity, besides reading, are my drama classes at Piven. Yes, I know I’m dramatic enough, but they’re fun and I might want to be a professional actress someday. I have been invited to join the Piven performance project for 7^th, 8^th and 9^th graders who have shown excellence in their work. This is a lot more serious than my normal classes: the audience isn’t just parents obligated to come to their child’s performance, it’s adults who pay for tickets and expect a good show. My goal is to give it to them. I’ll practice my lines excessively; give my best in class, whatever it takes to reach my goal. Personal goals…well, those are hard. I really want to keep all my friends and make as many new ones as possible, but it’s hard! It’s not one of those “try your best and you’ll succeed” things. To make new friends you sometimes have to change yourself, which is a no-no. Supposedly. I’m also told that change is sometimes for the better. Thus, the “supposedly”. How am I supposed to differentiate when there is no rubric, no guidelines for friendship? Very difficult question, right? So, my plan for achieving THAT goal is just this: square your shoulders and try to make it through.

Home is my base, my haven, a place of study and fun, homework and happiness. My parents are divorced (Ahem, I think I’ll know that a year from now, but I’m operating under the assumption that I have amnesia.) but both houses hold love, compassion, kindness, and my genetic ancestors (a.k.a. parents). My goal for home is going to be harder than any other because, as the saying goes, “old habits die hard”. I am used to secluding myself in my room, pouring over my books or computer or listening to music. However relaxing this may be, it’s feeding a growing distance between me and my family. I don’t know how to reach out, bridge the distance, but I’ll do what ever it takes, from creating a hit comedy-action TV show called “Rebecca the Habit Slayer” (like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except for the chosen one breaks habits, not bones.) to doing push-ups while chanting “I’ve got family, yes I do. I’ve got family, how ‘bout you?!” I hope it doesn’t take any measures that drastic, however. I think I’ll start by just slowly incorporating more family time into my routine, like gradually adding the flour mixture to cake batter. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I’ll face the challenge as Buffy does: by squaring my shoulders and doing my best to get through it.

So, I hope that if I/you have amnesia our memory is returning. If not, try re-watching the Buffy seasons. They hold a lot of memories. Good luck, because your success is, to put it lightly, pretty intimately entwined with my own. Also, don’t obsess about your weight, it isn’t healthy.

My devotion as long as I live,

Rebecca (a.k.a. you)

P.S. You may have noticed the excessive use of the phrase “square your shoulders and try to get through it”. Please, future me, do not sneer at my redundancy: it was intentional. In theory.

All I want for Christmas is a Vampire by Kerrilyn Sparks is a paranormal Romance about a woman named Toni, who, after a brutal Malcontent (the bad vampires) attack, goes to work as a guard for the  good vampires, the ones that drink bottled synthetic blood. The vampires take her at face value, accepting her reasons for guarding them in the daytime, except for Ian, a scottish vampire, who suspects her of a secret agenda. As all of this plays out, the malcontent threat grows like a roiling stormcloud on the horizon, and war threatens.

On the scale, I would give this book a six. Its pretty much a fairy cake book. With marshmellow icing. Thats SERIOUSLY fluffy!

Basic Instructions: How to Set someone Straight

And to kill two birds with one stone for the other side: You like Twilight. You like Barbies. Here’s both.

Coming Soon: Fanged Friends

See. I’m not pro-Twilight. I’m not anti-Twilight. I have sucessfully found a happy median. Anything is possible.

A= You have read 99 percent of all vampire books, and can recognize and summarize any vampire novel named with no hesitation

B= You have read 75 percent of vampire novels named and can carry on a coversation about at least 20 obscure authors/books.

C= You have an average understanding of vampire novels and can recommend heaping armfuls of books to people.

D= You Have read Twilight and Dracula and can recommend 1-5 books

F= You catch your self asking: “Aren’t vampires those things with fangs?” or “What is Buffy the Vampire Slayer about?”. In other words, you live under a rock, and all hope is lost.

Most people have a D, simply because there are so many books about vampires, and reading enough of them is HARD. There are vampire romance, fantasy, sci fi, everything. I am getting probably a C-, which is really bad. By the way, your Vampire grade reflects nothing upon your intelligence, because Vampires are not even in the same realm as academic subjects.

But there is still hope! I shall list below five books that I am forcing Anne to read because when I met her she was getting an F. These are the best that the Vampire world has to offer (well, the little of the vampire world that I have breached).

1. Once Bitten, Twice Shy by Jennifer Rardin.

I will keep pushing this book at you until you relent. This series is really to good to pass up on. Remember, this is for your own good.

2. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris

Oh my gosh. I have been blabbing about this book since the day I started this blog. Really.

3. Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey

Really, really excellent book.

4. Marked by P.C. and Kristen Cast.

This is a love it or hate it book. I feel connected to it because it snapped me out of my D- phase, where all I knew of vampires was the Twilight books.

5. This is a tie between Halfway to the Grave by Jeaniene Frost and Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. Therefore, read them both.

Down With Vampire Illiteracy!!! Up with A+ students!!!

Kiss Of Fire by Deborah Cooke is the first of her Drogonfire series. It’s a “paranormal romance” supposedly, but really, it’s a book about dragon shape-shifters. It begins with independant bookstore owner Sara almost immediatly being put into danger. It’s not a random coincidence. Though she does not know it, Sara has been trapped in a firestorm, the ancient mating ritual of the Pyr, the good dragons. However, to keep the Pyrs ranks from increasing, their enemies the Slayers (not like Buffy) attempt to kill the mate and thus prohibit her from concieving an heir. Quinn, Sara’s dragon mate-to-be, has a frightening past, and will do anything it takes to keep history from repeating itself…

I would give this book a 6.8 on the scale, it was well written and good, but I might be a little biased against it because a) it had no vampires and b) the whole firestorm=destined mate thing is totally freaky. But besides that it was an enjoyable book. My mom liked it more than I did.

1. Vayl from Once Bitten Twice Shy by Jennifer Rardin

Yes, I realize the name of the book is corny. But what really amazes me is Vayl. What I love about him is that he takes it slow. Most vamps are sharing hot, steamy kisses in the first book, but Vayl isn’t like that. Vayl gets awesomer and awesomer as the books go on, and its not an Edward and Bella situation: true love in two months. Vayl is patient, attractive (duh, he’s a vampire), kind, and his eyes are so expressive. He’s smart and strong and a great assassin. Read the books. You have to. Seriously, these books are tying with Sookie Stackhouse ( the series by Charlaine Harris) on my must-read-o-meter. That is better than Tithe and Wake, like a 9.9 on the scale. What I really adore is that they take the time to make you fall in love with Vayl instead of expecting that because the heroine likes him, you will too. These books are a rare gift.

2. Constantine from Sunshine by Robin Mckinley

This guy is the strong, silent, fighting urge to drink your blood type. Like Edward. But so much cooler. Because Edward never gets chained in Dungeons. Nor does he feed people muffins. Just read the book. Please. I’m begging you.

3. Eric from the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris.

Yes, he kind of is a bit of a perv. But he gets so sweet, so caring, without losing his personality. He doesn’t turn into a blubbering pile of mud when it comes to love, and he takes much better care of Sookie than that traitor Bill ever did. If you haven’t read the books, you have no idea what I’m talking about, which is one of many, many reasons you should read the books. You saw that in my two other paragraphs I made Edward references, but here is what is incredible about Eric: he doesn’t have a hint of Edward. He doesn’t care about what mere mortals think, he doesn’t really jump with joy upon learning that he actually had feelings for Sookie, he has no qualms about killing people. Actually, here’s one similarity: they both love getting expensive gifts for their loves.

4. Tate from One foot in the Grave by Jeaniene Frost

I really like this guy because since he doesn’t get the girl, he doesn’t have the chance to become a possessive, patriarchal maniac like a lot of others. I almost made this ranking go to Bones, but then I realized that he was exactly the sort of possessive jerk I hate. So boo to him. Tate is attractive, helpful, selfless, and has always stood by what he believed in. But unfortunately, like Jacob, he fell in love with a girl who would never love him back. And he wasn’t even graced with the pitying title of “best friend”. Cat should have chose him, and I can only hope that in the upcoming fourth book, he finds someone good enough for him.

5. Christian from A girls Guide to Vampires by Katie Macalister

Here’s another “untouchable girl” case. Except this one is so much more depressing. Christian found his Beloved, the one girl who could save his soul, but she chose someone else. That has got to burn. This girl would be so selfish that she would choose a much more annoying possesive man over a nice, undead vampire. Personally, I say she has no taste in men. I bet Christian thinks so too.

But I’m seriously ticked off at her for not writing the sequel to Fade, the second book.

Therefore, I hope that she’s sufficiently narcissistic that she Googles her own name and sees this post, and my undying adoration for her, and thus, is spurred to write the third book. Unlikely, I know, but a girl can dream, can’t she? Also, in my pathetic fantasy, she dedicates the third book to Vampire Vocab. Yet more unlikely, so I shall continue to bank my hopes on her simply writing another book.

Well, this is actually a book review, not a pity party for a sad bibliophile, so here goes:

Wake by Lisa Mcmann stars Janie Hannagan, a girl who is mysteriously cursed to be sucked into others dreams. Living with her drunk mother is difficult, and her only dream is to go to college and escape the doldrums of  her cursed life. Then she meets Cabel Strumheller, a boy who has the most hideous nightmares Janie has ever witnessed. In addition to that, Janie hears rumors that Cabel is involved with drugs and that doesn’t fit with Janie’s image of him. With growing certainty, Janie realizes that she’s not the only one with a secret…but that the truth might be more sickening than anything else.

On the meter, this ties with Tithe with a whopping 9.5. This is really an amazing book, I can’t seem to recommend it enough.