Vampire Vocab

First, let me say the NAME IS NONE OF MY DOING!!!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I wanted her named Anita, or SOMETHING, but, nooooo, she was named WILMA!!! Before I go into full rant-mode, let me explain. Our dog, Jake, died. I really don’t want to go into that. My Mom was trying to convince Denise to let her get a new dog. Denise was not so fond of the idea. Denise wanted an IPad. My mom was not so fond of the price. Stalemate.

But relationships are ALL about things you don’t want to do! So, as easter gifts, Denise gets an Ipad, my mom gets a dog. From the prairie. A prairie dog. Who looks like a really big squirrel, minus the bushy tail. Who somehow was cursed with the name Wilma. Anyway, she has a ball that she can roll around in, and we need to get her a different cage, because she keeps trying to strangle herself on the bars of this one.

What do we do with pets? We interview them, everyone knows that.

Me: Wilma, It’s a pleasure to interview you.

Wilma: No comment.

(All the while scurrying around like the white rabbit in Alice in wonderland. By the way, saw the movie, really liked it.)

M: So, what drives you to be so suicidal?

W: No comment.

M: Oooookay. So…Are you making friends?

W: Gaknar is giving me lessons in terrorizing the dog. He says I have a knack for it.

(Gaknar is my cockatiel. Not exactly Mr. Congeniality. I fear what Wilma and he will accomplish together. Think Apocalypse.)

M: Do you have any family Wilma?

W: Yes.

(Hmmmm…curt. Wait! A Vampire? Maybe. Probably. Surely! Only vampires are that curt!)

M: What are they like?

W: I think you want to use the past tense.

(See, she outlived them by centuries)

M: What do you mean?

(She seems to deflate, like a balloon, with a small puncture. Almost indiscernible.)

W: You see…they call me the “Energy Vampire”

(I knew it!!!)

W: It was a dark and stormy night. I was being hyper, as I always am, and my family was worn out because I had drained them of energy. Accidentally. Even the lookout was sleeping. Thats why we didn’t see it coming. Didn’t see them coming. They captured us all. They sold us out to what they called “pet stores”. What is a pet? Why do I go to a store of them? Why? WHY???

(Lightning flashes, illuminating the prairie dog’s sorrowful face. Lights fade out. Flashback scene ends.)

M: One last question. Who is your lighting manager? That lightning was really good.

W: No comment.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 4th, 2010 at 7:41 pm and is filed under Interviews, Life, Ramblings.
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