Five of the Many, Many books that I am forcing Anne to Read for her Own Good
First, to those who don’t know anything about Anne, she’s my dad’s girlfriend and is far too nice. Second, she is, like a depressing amount of people, brutally Vampire Illiterate. Vampire Illiteracy is a growing plight on culture, born of the idea that, If you’ve read Twilight and Dracula, you’ve read it all. Even I, firm fighter against Vampire Illiteracy, is quite simply, Vampire Illiterate. Just not as much so as many people. I have created a scale of Vampire Literacy or lack thereof based on the letter grades. The goal, like in school is to get an A.
A= You have read 99 percent of all vampire books, and can recognize and summarize any vampire novel named with no hesitation
B= You have read 75 percent of vampire novels named and can carry on a coversation about at least 20 obscure authors/books.
C= You have an average understanding of vampire novels and can recommend heaping armfuls of books to people.
D= You Have read Twilight and Dracula and can recommend 1-5 books
F= You catch your self asking: “Aren’t vampires those things with fangs?” or “What is Buffy the Vampire Slayer about?”. In other words, you live under a rock, and all hope is lost.
Most people have a D, simply because there are so many books about vampires, and reading enough of them is HARD. There are vampire romance, fantasy, sci fi, everything. I am getting probably a C-, which is really bad. By the way, your Vampire grade reflects nothing upon your intelligence, because Vampires are not even in the same realm as academic subjects.
But there is still hope! I shall list below five books that I am forcing Anne to read because when I met her she was getting an F. These are the best that the Vampire world has to offer (well, the little of the vampire world that I have breached).
1. Once Bitten, Twice Shy by Jennifer Rardin.
I will keep pushing this book at you until you relent. This series is really to good to pass up on. Remember, this is for your own good.
2. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
Oh my gosh. I have been blabbing about this book since the day I started this blog. Really.
3. Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by Beth Fantaskey
Really, really excellent book.
4. Marked by P.C. and Kristen Cast.
This is a love it or hate it book. I feel connected to it because it snapped me out of my D- phase, where all I knew of vampires was the Twilight books.
5. This is a tie between Halfway to the Grave by Jeaniene Frost and Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. Therefore, read them both.
Down With Vampire Illiteracy!!! Up with A+ students!!!
August 13th, 2009Topic: Books, Life, Ramblings, Vampires Tags: Books, Life, Vampires
August 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Surely Anne is smart enough to ignore this list. There are far better books for her to read. She can pick up the most important parts of the book just by listening to you ramble on, could probably get an A on your test just from being in the same room with you for an hour.
Anne, really. Just say no.
August 13th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Wait a minute. VAMPIRES? This whole time I thought you were saying UMPIRES! This changes everything.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I think one of the only reasons we can continue any relationship whatsoever is that none of the Twilight books are on this Top 5 list. That said, although I am an avid reader – particularly of things supernatural – I haven’t read even ONE of these books.
I have read Dracula, naturally, and even the Twilight series (which I really didn’t like but they are FAR superior to the film). Anne Rice, of course.
But allow me to recommend a couple of series to you, one of which actually contains vampires (even if it’s not CENTERED around vampires, per se).
The Dresden Files, by Jim Butcher. MUST. READ. IN. ORDER. This is the story of a modern-day wizard who lives in Chicago and helps solve supernatural crimes, often involving vampires, fairies, monsters, etc. Snarky, funny, fascinating. Butcher comes out with around one new Dresden Files book a year. One of my fave series.
And the Repairman Jack series by F. Paul Wilson. (Also must read in order.) Another favorite series where the author releases one new book a year. This one revolves around Jack, aka Repairman Jack. He lives totally off the grid in NYC…no paperwork to trace anyone to him. And he makes a living helping people solve problems they have…things they can’t possibly go to the police about. It’s kind of like The Equalizer (a show you’re far too young to know of, but you can look it up) meets The X-Files. AMAZINGLY good.
Well, both series are amazingly good.
There, that’s my Public Service Duty of the Day.
Have a great weekend.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Ahem. Allow me to clear up a certain confusion that many have formulated: I do NOT like/love Twilight. It’s just a staple because so many people have read it. Thank you so much for the book suggestions, though it offends me that you would think that I read books out of order. The reason you probably haven’t read these books is because so many good authors are obscure. Its like Kraft American cheese is Twilight (barely edible, if at all.) and Humbolt Fog (a delicious cheese with a layer of ash in it) is Once Bitten Twice Shy. Just because something is sold in huge masses and a staple in many households does not mean it’s the best thing out there.
August 14th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Wait. If I’m getting a C- on my own test, how can being in a room with me raise someones grade to an A?! I don’t understand…
August 14th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Oh yes. Eric THE VAMPIRE is an umpire. Vampire Academy is about UMPIRES. UMPIRES drink blood and burn/burst into flames/sparkle in the sunlight. Oh yes, Anne. Those Evil, bloodsucking Umpires.
August 14th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Ok…Once Bitten Twice Shy…lovely cute vampire pulp but gourmet reading it is not. I love that you love it but really.
As for Karl, he may know that I read all series out of order unless I happen to accidentally pick up the first book of a series. It never troubles me…just the rest of you.
As for Umpires…really, RJ, watch some more football or baseball. Umpires can really deal with the devil, be blind in sunlight and stadium light, as well as truly be evil.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Hmm…I’ve never found CIA agents really fairy cake material, especially when they’re fighting ancient evil, sitting on bombs, and almost losing their souls. But hey, everything is relative.
Also, punctuation mistake. It should be, “I love that you love it, but really.” You left out a comma.
August 17th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I’m just saying…the two series I mentioned are NOT casual reads where you can just pick up any book in the series and start reading. I’m sure you’re not the sort of girl that reads series out of order, RJ, but I was saying that more for everyone else.