Interview with a Vampire (cat)
My cat Miles is an old and senile Maine Coon. He is absolutly beautiful, with his long black, brown and white fur, so I began to wonder “Is he as old as I thought he was, or much older?” Could my very own cat be one of the blood-drinking immortal? His teeth are pretty sharp… Anythings possible! Therefore I secured an interview with him to oh-so-subtly find out if he was a vampire. So I started out with a question that would never hint at my true intent.
Me: Miles, are you a vampire?
(smooth, right?)
Miles: Vhy do you vant to know?
(ohh…evasive! how incriminating!)
Me: Umm…No reason! What’s your favorite food, Miles?
(He seemed wary, so I changed the subject)
Miles: Blood. I drink it vith my vangs. Thats vhy I have this vunny accent.
(Oh! I was wondering!)
Me:That’s wonderful, Miles. How do you get the blood?
(Where’s the nearest blood bank?)
Miles: I stalk unsuspecting young vumans, vhen I strike!
(No comment. What is someone supposed to say to that?)
Me:Er…great. So, whats the trick to grooming your fur like that?
(It’s really nice fur!)
Miles: I von’t know. I van’t vee myvelf in mirrors!
(Aww…Poor miles!)
Me: That’s terrible! One more question: why doesn’t the paparazzi ever see you in the day time?
(Does he just like the nightlife?)
Miles: The vunlight burns me!
(I know what he means. Sunburn sucks, doesn’t it?)
Me: Thank you very much for you time, miles. You may now return to draining that girl of blood.
I must admit that I was dissapointed. Miles had shown no signs of being a vampire. *Sigh* I guess I’ll just keep looking!
June 17th, 2009Topic: Interviews, Life, Vampires Tags: family, interview, Vampires
June 17th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Excellent interview! We had a very beautiful Maine Coon named “Zoe,” and I felt there was something supernatural about her, too. Any cat who sticks her paw into the water bowl, then drinks the water from her paw, has to be suspect.
Hmmm. Now that you mention it, she had an accent I couldn’t identify either…
Please keep writing!
June 17th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
My other cat Nigel drinks out of the toilet. Maybe cats as a whole are magic…